


F.E.A.R

by kissyledss



Series: Sea, Air, Land. [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Altered Mental States, Angst and Feels, Blood and Violence, Caring Eddie Diaz, Cold, Dad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Denial of Feelings, Injured Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, U.S. Navy SEAL Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Bobby Nash, Worried Eddie Diaz, kind of??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23433814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissyledss/pseuds/kissyledss
Summary: F.E.A.R has two meanings: Forget everything and run or face everything and rise.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Sea, Air, Land. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685725
Comments: 7
Kudos: 152





	F.E.A.R

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Forgive me for any mistake as English isn't my first language.

Two years had passed since Evan Buckley died.

Two years since his accident in the LAFD that had caused him to give up on any kind of hope that his team could forgive him for the lawsuit one day. It had hurt to say goodbye to the city that welcomed him since he ran away from his parents' house and gave him a new family, the place that he knew like the back of his hand and that he loved but, above all, what hurt the most was saying goodbye to the _hope_ of having a family. If he closes his eyes, he can still see the look in the faces of them all, his team, looking heartbroken because of him.

_"I'm leaving," he said, his hands tightening on the sheets until his knuckles were white."This situation only showed me that I am on my own, no one will take care of me more than myself. So as soon as I can, I will take a flight to Chicago and I will return to Great Lakes," he said, his heart was beating fast and his mouth was dry. He was scared, he didn't wanna go back._

_"Great Lakes?" Maddie asked incredulously, the traces of tears showed in her eyes, which looked at him pleadingly. "No, please..." she said in a whisper so quiet that only Buck heard her. The others watched him expectantly, not knowing the slightest bit of what he was talking about._

_"What do you mean Great Lakes?" Hen asked with fear in her voice and guilt in her eyes. He couldn't be weak now, if he wanted to leave tomorrow and stop feeling pain and loss, he would have to start getting rid of his emotions, everything he had fought to maintain, his humanity._

_"Great Lakes is the home of the U.S Navy Seals," Buck answered, voice rough and hands shaking."I'm going back to Navy Seal training," he said without looking at anyone, he was fighting with his mind and didn't need anyone to notice. "Guess I'm going to make our Dad proud after all, can you believe it Mads?" he said, laughing like a crazy man who has lost everything in the blink of an eye._

_"Buck, you don't have to go..." His Captain said with eyes full of tears and regret and Buck couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't gonna leave if he kept giving an explanation to everyone._

_"I'm not asking for permission, Captain," he said, "Even if you doubt it, I'm a grown-ass man and I can make my own decisions, I don't owe anything to anyone," Buck said, he was angry, tired, sad and hurt. He didn't wanna go away but staying with people who he couldn't trust anymore wasn't a good choice for his survival._

_"Buck..." Bobby tried to speak, perhaps wishing to talk some sense into him, " This is your home, you don't need to go, son." His Captain said and Buck lost any sense of sanity he had left._

_"This isn't my home anymore and I'm not your son," he said, tears rolling trough his face, "I'm your co-worker and that's it," he added with a resignation tone, "My only family and the one who deserves an explanation is my sister, Madeleine." he looked at his sister who was clearly trying to stay calm and finding a way to accept that she was losing his little brother again._

_"Whatever you need, brother," she said, walking next to his bed and taking the hand that had no burns, "Always and forever, remember," she said looking at him, he tried to reassure her with a smile and she returned it, it was a little one but it was all Buck needed it at the moment, with his body full of burns and his soul aching. "Sleep, Evan." His sister said with a sweet voice, like a lullaby, and within a minute Buck could feel the morphine in his veins working through his pain._

Buck opens his eyes at the pain that the memories unearth. He sighs at the sight, an ocean full of his tears. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments make me happy. Thank you.


End file.
